The clock shows its 3.49 am. I have been trying to sleep since 2.00 am but I do not know why I could not make myself to fall asleep. Perhaps maybe the coffee I took cuz I planned to study but in the end I did not. Arranged a haircut appointment tomorrow. Gonna cut my long locks and back to pixie. The weather turned horrible each day and I could not bear any more of it.
Came back from Saudi Arabia last week. Conclusion? I am very much happy with the trip. Really happy. Never feel so touched, feel lucky that I was born a Muslim. Maybe I should embrace it slowly by re-studying back everything about my own religion. I am not proud of this but I was a graduated religion student when I was in elementary but sadly, I forgot everything about what I learnt, what I studied for 4 years in that school.
Since my last trip to the Haram Land, my heart became softer and even softer. I have been reading a lot about religions. Not just Islam but also about the Jew and Christian. Want to read the Torah so badly like how I read the Holy Bible during free times. So into them. I kinda miss Medina and Mecca though. I am so grateful that I have the chance to pray in the Haram Mosque and the Prophet Mosque. So peaceful, so calm and soothing. So happy, nothing to worry.
I have been thinking about this. If I did not quit my employment from being a hotelier, most probably I won't be able to stop drinking, stop partying and stop fooling around. I miss being one but I am more grateful I managed to resign and moved on. At that age of 19 - 21 years old. 3 years of being all party animal, being wild and the only thing I know is having fun. Felt so sinned.
Perhaps maybe one day I can fully embrace Islam by putting on hijab on my crown slowly. Slowly, not drastically. Looking forward for that day.. :)
